I’ve been thinking a lot about limitations recently and how we see them and how they affect our lives. Limits are a strange thing. They’re the parameters of control that defines the borders of almost every aspect that governs our lives. They can be in the form of our abilities, a rule or social norm, time, or even some physical restraint or natural law.
We all face limits in life. Often they are the things that we wish we could change about our situation, our abilities or even our relationships. Yet it’s those limits that give us endless possibilities and choices for which we have the freedom to make.
Most of us seem to be painfully aware of our limits and are always working to navigate around them or find a way to extend them. We often look at our own life or situation and wish things were different. We long for a different job, situation, or some ability that could move us from the discomfort we are feeling to a place we imagine would free us from it. Yet, it’s the very essence of limitation that makes it possible to experience both failure and victory. Limitation is what sets a mountain apart from the valley, right from wrong, and good from evil.
Too often we spend a lifetime working to get beyond our limitations – so much so we get to the point of being hyper focused on what we perceive as wrong or not good enough. It’s not that we want to ignore our limitations; rather we don’t want to be so focused on them that we can’t embrace the positive things that can result from them.
My neighbor just replaced his backyard fence. He has two young children, and his new fence is the difference between having to watch his kids like a hawk and having the freedom to not have to stand there every minute for fear they’ll wander off or have something happen to them. His fence’s job is to place boundaries – to place limits on where his two kids can safely explore or play.
While our initial thought may be to view limitations as restrictive or confining, I actually believe that limits bring about a degree of freedom. Counter-intuitive, I know, but what if knowing your limits actually gave you the freedom release those things you have no control over? Much like my neighbor is eased by the safety the fence provides his children, our personal limitations can allow us to thrive within them.
Recognizing Limits in Our Strengths & Weaknesses
We cannot be all things to all people at all times. We are not God. He is without limits, but we are not.
There is a limit to my time. There is a limit to my energy levels. There is a limit to my finances, my control, and my abilities. And you know what? That’s okay. To be limited is to be human. How would your life be better if you owned your own limitations?
How Our Limits Can Play Out in a Marriage
This is another take on limits, but go with me for a minute. When two people enter into a marriage, they bring with them individual strengths and weaknesses – they bring their own limitations too. A couple can choose to focus on those weaknesses and limitations or they can choose to focus on their strengths and find ways to compliment and carry one another’s shortcomings.
Perhaps one mate is great at organization and order while the other is more content with the pile of papers spread across the desk. This couple can choose to antagonize one another or fault one another for not operating in the same way they do or not being how each mate thinks the other should be. You cannot directly change your mate just as your mate cannot change you. You were not meant to be the same person – you were meant to fill one another’s holes. You were joined as one to create a better picture of wholeness and completion.
Limitations are not weaknesses of our mates. Instead, they are areas in which we can compliment and complete our mates in the unity of our marriages.
Learning to Live Fully Within Those Limits
My neighbor’s kids run freely within their fenced-in backyard. They don’t see the fence as restriction or view it as something to kick, battle, attack, or complain about. No, they see the lush grass and sibling within those limits they can run and play and laugh with. They run full speed with no fear within the limits of that fenced-in yard.
What if we were more like that? What if we had the child-like freedom to run within our own relational limitations? When we move our eyes off of what we cannot do or where we cannot go and place them on what we do have and what we can control, we too can live more freely. Maybe we need to shake off those old stigmas, silence our lies, let go of self imposed our shame, anger, and fear, and embrace our strengths and identities within our own limitations – whether they are within our situations, our relationships, or ourselves.
A Note for those of Faith
Facing our limits can at times be a blessing if we let them. How? They point us to a limitless God. They remind us that there is a God, and it’s not us! We are stuck in the limits of time, space, and creation – He’s not.
Remember when Jesus and the disciples were on the boat and they were headed to the other side of the sea? Storms came and rocked the boat. The disciples panicked. They feared the boat would be destroyed and they’d be tossed overboard. They saw the storm and the water and the boat and they saw their limitations. And they felt fear and saw doom.
But, what they needed to see was Jesus. While the disciples were panicked, where was Jesus? Well, he was sleeping. Soundly. He was resting. He wasn’t shaken by the storm or wearied by the waters. Nope. He was at peace. That is what the disciples should have fixed their eyes on – the God who made the storm and said He was going to take them to the other side of the sea.
Knowing God is limitless and we are not should move us to fix our eyes on Him and His promises that He will carry us safely to the other side of whatever we are facing today. Trusting in that does not make us weak – it strengthens us. It gives us freedom to live free of fear of our circumstances and our shortcomings. We’re free to share in His peace and His joy. And that’s a freedom we all can thrive in.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by your limitation, situation or weakness, maybe it’s time to find the freedom in your limitations. If that sounds like something you’d be interested in getting help with, please feel free to contact me today.
-Joel D. Walton