Striving for perfection is something many people do – even if they are unwilling to admit it. They spend their energy, emotions, and time chasing after an unattainable goal. Afterall, how can you achieve something that doesn’t exist? Unfortunately, the consequence of never being able to reach this preconceived idea of perfection is feeling inadequate, less than, and continuously struggling to feel “good enough.” Perfectionism yields itself to fear and an inability to be vulnerable in our relationships.
It’s this revelation and more to which Dr. Brené Brown hopes to bring her reader in The Gifts of Imperfection. Before you start thinking this is some kind of self-help book, let me know pause and tell you Gifts of Imperfectionis more of a guide and compilation of insightful qualitative research and experiences. Self help books offer flowery, feel-good language with fairytale promises if you follow a set formula. But, true life change is a process – a long process of hard work, commitment, failures and successes.
The Gifts of Imperfection focuses on themes of courage, compassion, and connection. Brown uses ten lifetime revelations of things we need to let go of in order to live with a healthy mindset and in a healthy emotional state. She calls these ten areas “guideposts” and highlights areas in which we can break the chains and the cycle of the cruel pattern of living for perfection. How many of us could live more freely (and happily and healthily) by letting go of what other people think, fears, the need for certainty, self doubt, anxiety, comparison, having to always be in control, and more? ANSWER: all of us could!
As a counselor, I have an appreciation for the way Brown encourages readers to confront obstacles head on. Rather than some “feel good” way to numb or ignore problems, Brown wants to help readers move toward a cognitive change – which also results in healthy and productive emotional changes. One of her guideposts even works with the reader of letting go of numbness.
I also can appreciate tangible takeaways and applications of what we read. To assist the reader in this, each chapter (and guidepost) ends with a section Brown calls “Dig Deeps.” She offers practical ideas on how to get “deliberate”, “inspired” and “going” with change.
Brown reminds us that reaching our “ah-hah” moment isn’t enough for real change – we have to then go take initiative and action toward living it out. We replace old habits with newer, healthier ones. In doing so, we slowly begin to accept what it is and what is not – who we are and who we are not. And let us never forget that who we are is brave and worthy of love.
Not being a long read, being comical at times, and having easy to relate to examples makes The Gifts of Imperfectiona great read for us all. Chances are, even if perfectionism isn’t a struggle for you, someone in your life could benefit from these breakthroughs and insights.
-Joel D Walton