“I just want to be happy.”
I cannot count the number of times I have heard that statement from someone. Happiness – everyone wants it. But, not everyone knows how or where to find it. On a recent online checklist, happiness sat in the number one spot in a top ten list of things people wanted the most.
So, what makes us happy? To a child, it’s something as simple as an ice cream cone. To a teenager, it’s freedom or friends. For the young adult, they may think fame or money or a successful career will bring them happiness. A quick google search yields crazy long lists of things that make people happy.
But, happiness can be temporary. It’s an emotional response to an external stimulus. Happiness can ebb and flow based on what’s happening in life. So what is that one thing you can pursue that will consistently bring an overall happiness to your life? What do the elderly share (and studies support) is the key to a happy life?
The Key to a Happy Life
It’s not money or a house or a car or any material possession; nor is it success or your job or status. It’s relationships. Close, meaningful relationships. Whether it be with a spouse, child, sibling, parent, friend, or with your community – relationships are the key to a happy life!
Life was not meant to be lived in isolation. That’s part of why so many are mentally and emotionally and spiritually struggling through this COVID-19 social distancing. Relationships are hard work, but the fruit of your labors is sweet and worth every bit of what you have to put into them. Relationships take two people, and you are only responsible for your part. So, do it and do it well. A happy life is dependent upon that.
How Do We Foster Close Relationships?
If it’s relationships with other people that bring us such happiness, how then do we build and nurture them?
- Spend Quality Time Together
Good, close relationships take time to grow and develop. You didn’t marry your mate on date one. No, you spent time together – getting to know each other and bonding before you married. You dated. You learned one another. Your best friend did not become your best friend overnight. You connected, you hung out, you did things together, and you grew closer over time.
Find an activity to do together. If your relationship has grown stale and stagnant, find a new hobby to explore together – a new adventure to partake in. Close relationships often have special interests and special times. It may be dad and son’s (or mom or daughter’s) annual tradition to watch the NFL draft together. Perhaps you and your cousins take a camping trip each year. Maybe Saturday morning before the kids wake up is your special alone time to sip coffee and catch up on the week before the day begins. One group of about five friends I know use each other’s birthdays as their regular excuse to go out for dinner. They leave the kids at home with their mates and enjoy some laughter and memories with their close friends.
It may be something as simple as watching your favorite television show together. One guy I know recounts stories of his grandfather and the way they’d watch MASH reruns together before the grandfather passed. It was their special thing. Whatever it is, do it regularly. And do it intentionally. Life is hectic and it’s easy to make excuses for not spending time with someone. Those distractions aren’t what bring happiness to life. Prioritize the relationships that do.
- Communicate
Men and women alike must communicate to build close, healthy relationships. Sharing and listening to one another builds a deeper level of understanding and empathy. Friends, couples, siblings, parents/children, etc who communicate often and communicate well enjoy a sense of trust and safety in their relationships. You are able to give one another the benefit of the doubt because you better understand the intentions and motives of the other person.
Communication is not easy. Listening to understand isn’t easy either. To practice building your communication skills, start with general topics before moving to more sensitive ones. Ask questions and listen to the answers without interrupting. Over time, move into sharing about subjects that require more vulnerability like your hopes, dreams, fears, and insecurities.
There is a bond that forms when you can share with someone without fear of judgment or shame. It creates an intimacy and closeness that isn’t easily shaken.
- Forgive Often
Relationships by their very nature require more than one person. But where there are two or more people, there will eventually be conflict. At some point, someone will get their feelings hurt. Whether intentionally or unintentionally, every relationship faces struggles. And this is when forgiveness is necessary.
Conflict is natural, but it’s not always a bad thing. Conflict in relationships give us an opportunity to step outside of our own interests and desires and see things from someone else’s perspective. This is why communication is so important because it helps us empathize with one another during times of conflict.
To foster strong relationships, we must forgive one another. We have to be willing to release the hurts and grudges. Forgiveness is the only way to heal a wound in a relationship. For more on why it is so necessary, check out this article on forgiving others.
- Show Appreciation
Healthy and well-functioning relationships are ones where people can express appreciation for one another. Whether it be for someone’s actions or just their character and heart, gratitude helps the two of you have a greater love for one another. It strengthens bonds and lays the foundation for the forgiveness we talked about earlier.
Send a text or email (or go really old fashioned with a letter in the mail) telling someone “thank you” for something they do. It could be anything. Thank your spouse for working hard. Thank your child for being honest with you. Thank a neighbor for keeping an eye on your house when you’re out of town. Thank a pastor for the time they put into last week’s message. Thank your aunt for the pie she baked you. A little gratitude goes a long way in helping you see the best in someone. It also encourages and lifts up the one you’re showing appreciation for.
Relationships can be tough, but they can be even more meaningful than you imagined. If you are seeking to strengthen one of your relationships or struggling with a broken one, you may benefit from talking to a trained professional. Contact me today and tell me about that relationship so we can move you toward healing and mending.
– Joel