For many families, summer is coming to a close and school is getting back in session (or at least will be soon). Though I no longer have school aged children, I know it’s time for school to start because I’ve seen the store aisles filled with notebooks, pencils, binders, crayons, and every other item on those back-to-school supply lists.
Each new school year is an exciting brand new opportunity for your children to learn, grow, mature, and build their identities. As parents, we want to help set our kids up for success, health, and happiness. As they begin this new school year, there are many things you can do to help them transition, adapt, and overcome challenges – gearing them up for a healthy and successful year.
Preparing Your Child For a Successful School Year
School has become so much more than math and writing. School is a place our kids make new friends, encounter bullies, struggle with body image and identity, and are influenced in their development. You play a vital role in prepping your kids for each of these areas.
Bullies
Bullies are everywhere – young and old. As this school year begins, teach your child what bullying looks like. Bullying is “an unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time.”
Teach your child the difference between a frustrating person and a bully, so they know the right things to report to their teachers and school administrators. Also, teaching your children the reasons that kids bully will give your child the perspective needed to hold onto their own personal power. The bully is not the strong one, and your child does not have to be a victim. Teach them to persevere the bully by remembering that the bully does not decide who you child is or isn’t.
Tech & Social Media
In order to have a successful school year, sit with your child and discuss appropriate technology and social media practices. Over-usage of technology distracts from school work, exercise, and necessary interpersonal communication skills.
Bullying on social media has also become a problem, so set guidelines with your children about the things they will say to others online. Many schools will actually discipline social media bullying even if it did not occur at school. They’re sure to get a slew of new social media requests as they make new friends this school year, so teach them not to accept friend requests from people they do not know. It’s a good idea to slowly and incrementally allow new social media and technology privileges so children learn to handle each new access responsibly.
Body Image
Middle school and high school are particularly difficult in regards to self image. Their bodies are developing and they’re more conscientious of what they look like and what others look like.
As they begin this new school year, be patient with your child and his/her insecurities. They may want to try new fashion trends or experiment with their hair color and style. This is normal as they seek to find out where they fit in.
However, body image becomes problematic when it hinders their mental, emotional and physical health. Rather than focusing on dieting or losing weight, talk with your child about eating healthy foods to feel better and exercising to be stronger. Set an example for your children in the way you handle your own body image. Focus on your child’s inner attributes rather than his/her physical ones. As they make new friends in school, ask about those person’s inner qualities so your child learns to look for those in others also.
Identity
It’s developmentally normal for adolescents to seek out peer groups who validate or give them an identity. They are trying to figure out who they are and where they fit in. As this school year kicks off, their classes will put them around new people or closer to people they already know. While they don’t initially look to you to figure this out (they likely are looking to peers at this age), you can still impact their identity.
This begins with a foundation of who they are and who they are meant to be. Give them reassurance that they have immense value and remind them that no one else gets to determine their worth. Just because someone else says or thinks something does not make it true. If your home is of the Christian faith, remind your children that your family believes their identity is in Christ and nothing else.
Peers can make a powerful impact on their identity, so keep the communication lines open with your children about who they’re hanging around with. Refrain from criticism and judgement as they search out their confidence. Listen to them and don’t push your own ideas on them. You can offer advice or suggestions without controlling what they think.
Stress
With each new school year comes a new set of pressures and obligations for your children. Academics, athletics, service organizations, after school jobs, homework, social commitments, and more all tug at your child’s time and energy. While these are all excellent things, it can be difficult for your child to manage the stress of performing and meeting expectations.
You can help your child manage these pressures and stress by teaching them organization and time management skills. Model priorities for them and share with them why you say “no” to some things and “yes” to others. Create a shared calendar where your child can communicate practices or meetings with you. Teach your child to take a rest day on the weekends when they can. Encourage them to exercise and play as these are great stress relievers. Make one night per week a mandatory family dinner night where they can unwind and enjoy the safety and comfort of home.
Parenting can be difficult at times and question if we’re doing the right thing and worry about our children’s well-being. If you think you would benefit (or your child would benefit) from talking to an unbiased, third party, I’m just a phone call away. Happy New School Year!
-Joel D. Walton